In the Age of AI, Human Connection Needs to be Our Superpower

Before I ever worked in the data space, I spent well over a decade working in bars and restaurants.

I didn’t know it at the time, but those are the years I learned some of the most valuable skills I still carry with me today:

• How to really see people.

• How to actively listen.

• How to make someone feel like they belong.
  

In the service industry, you learn quickly that people don’t just come in for a drink or a meal. 

• They come in to be noticed.

• To be remembered.

• To feel, if only for a moment, that they matter.

  
  

I didn’t have language for it then, but I was learning the foundational skill of being human: the ability to make someone feel seen.

Quick Thought Exercise: 

Have you ever walked into your favorite bar, restaurant, or coffee shop and the server remembered your name or even your order? How did you feel in that moment?

Fast forward to the past five years, where I’ve been working remotely in the corporate data world.

This chapter of my life has been a whirlwind defined by optimization, increased efficiency, and now, AI (Artificial Intelligence... mostly referring to GenerativeAI).

And while I can feel that those human-to-human social skills I learned behind the bar are quietly valued in corporate spaces, the dominant narrative in those spaces sound different: 

• "How do we squeeze more out of fewer people?"

• "Automate, automate, automate!"

  
  

The push for optimization isn’t inherently wrong (trust me, I know that).

But somewhere along the way, the actual humans (and their unique stories) are getting overlooked and it's causing us to live in a paradox. 

Machines are growing stronger and more connected at speeds we can't comprehend, yet us mere humans feel weaker, lonelier and more disconnected than ever.

The Science of Being Seen

Neuroscience shows that when we feel unseen (aka: invisible), our brains register it like physical pain. 

True story! Social rejection lights up the same neural pathways as a broken bone.

Creator: VintageMedStock |

On the other hand, recognition and affirmation flood us with dopamine and oxytocin - the “connection hormones” that bond humans together.

This means that when you look someone in the eye, really listen, and reflect back their value, you’re not just “being nice.” 

You’re literally reshaping their nervous system and rewiring them toward safety, trust, and belonging.

Now let’s layer on our use of AI - (our ticket to increased productivity)...

Studies show that while algorithms can simulate empathy (chatbots can be trained to mirror words and offer reassurances), they can’t embody it. 

In fact, research shows that when we rely heavily on AI-mediated communication, we often increase our felt sense of loneliness and social detachment rather than cure it.

This is both a work and personal problem.  

A Psychology Today article recently stated that AI is starting to act less like a tool and more like a “coworker,” (which is what organizations want....) but it's causing very real negative emotional side effects for humans on the team.

(i.e., side effects are showing up as insomnia, demotivation, resignation, numbness, detachment, disconnectedness, or disillusionment)

I've followed Tristan Harris and The Center for Humane Technology for a while now and they have been warning us about this for years.

We need to aware that the more we outsource intimacy and connection to machines, the more our own muscles that build human connection, like care, attention, and presence atrophy.

Defining Sonder as My Training Ground

This is a huge reason why I started Defining Sonder.

My hope is that this project becomes a counterweight to the noise of this data & AI era and a space where I (and maybe others) can practice this irreplaceable skill of seeing and being seen by other humans.

The word sonder means realizing that every passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as our own. 

I want to uncover those complexities. 

One story, one conversation, and one reflection at a time.

The Superpower We ALL Need

In the age of AI, sure, we'll inevitably become more productive... but the edge that will set us apart, will be our ability to listen, notice, affirm, and bring the humans in our lives back into the cherished circle of belonging.

Defining Sonder is my experiment in that direction. 

This is a final reminder that even in a world obsessed with productivity metrics and optimization dashboards, the quiet act of making someone feel seen is still the most revolutionary thing we can do.

With love,

Dre