My First Step Into Defining Sonder

Just do something.

That’s what I keep telling myself right now.

Just type. Just get words on the page.

This is my first ever blog post, so I know it won’t be perfect (not even close), but I also know it has to exist because this is the beginning of Defining Sonder.

The beginning of…something.

I’m not really sure I know what that "something" is yet…but I feel it in my bones that this is going to be a life-changing journey of growth, empathy, compassion, connection, and (inevitably) vulnerability.

So why am I doing this, you may ask?

Because I've been in a desperate search for my deeper Why. My reason for existing. 

I’ve had this itch for a long time - that there’s something more I’m supposed to be doing with my life. (I know that sounds cliche… but it’s true.)

I recently heard some advice from the Savannah Bananas owner Jesse Cole, to stop chasing your passion, and instead follow whatever gives you energy.

So at this point in time - this project (even though it’s currently quite messy, undefined, and is making me feel wildly exposed) - is giving me a ton of energy. 

So here I am...following it.

A Search for Connection

I work remotely and I don’t drink anymore. (for those that don't know me: bars used to be my whole work & social life).

That void has me craving deeper human connection - and, honestly, has left me feeling more lonely than I’d like to admit.

So when I got the invitation to meet Rob Lawless on August 20, 2025, I jump at the opportunity to make a new friend!

Rob, if you don’t know, is on a mission to make 10,000 new friends, one hour at a time (you may have seen him on the Kelly Clarkson show).

I was friend number 7,121, and after my conversation with Rob - I felt so inspired.

Could it really be that simple... just put yourself out there and connect with new people?

I thought about this a lot. I played with the idea of adopting Rob’s approach, but the more I turned it over in my head, the more I came to understand that if I was going to do something like this, it had to be authentically my own.

So I struggled with what that might look like for a few days.

Then, on August 25 at 1:15 in the morning - after being woken up by my sick dog (note to self: fewer treats at puppy school) - the phrase Defining Sonder landed in my brain.

Out of nowhere. Like a genuine gift.

And in that moment, lying there in the dark, I felt that jolt of energy Jessie was talking about! Defining Sonder was going to be my version and authentic journey exploring human connection.

said dog

Literally, Defining "Sonder"

noun. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own — populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness — an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you'll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk. 

(via the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows   | Video: Sonder - everyone has a story)

TLDR: Sonder is the profound realization that every other person lives a life as complex and vivid as your own, with their own ambitions, worries, relationships, and experiences.

Think about that for a second. 

Every person we pass has complex family dynamics, memories, struggles, joys, fears, and stories... just like you and me.  

All of it unfolding at the same time we are living our own unique stories.

That awareness has always intrigued me, and now it’s become the heartbeat of this project.

For me, Defining Sonder is about more than just meeting people, though.

It’s about exploring the depths of my own complexities while honoring the truth that everyone I pass carries their own story - just as vivid, layered, and complex as mine.

Where This Might Go

The truth is: I really don't know... I have no idea what I’m doing.

In writing this blog and starting this project, and I feel pretty exposed and vulnerable...but I also feel energized and alive.

Maybe Defining Sonder turns into a long-running blog, a podcast, an popular Instagram or ticker-tocker (TikTok) account, or maybe even a TED talk one day. 

Or maybe it just becomes a handful of connections and stories from folks I meet that remind me (and hopefully others) that we’re not alone in this world… 

I really don’t know. But either way, I think it is going to be worth it. 

Stick Around

So here we are. My first post. My first attempt at something bigger than myself.

If you’re reading this, thank you. Really. Thank you.

I hope you’ll stick around as I stumble my way through figuring out what it means to define sonder. Define it in myself, in others, and in the messy middle where we all overlap.

Follow along here or on Instagram @defining_sonder (pretty empty Instagram right now... but hopefully by the time you read this, I'll have have a post or two up...), and let's see where this goes.

With love,

Dre